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  • Brian English

FRIENDSHIP IS THE FIRST CASUALTY


When relationships begin to fail, friendship is often the first casualty. And without friendship we find ourselves turning away from each other.

What are some of the signs when we begin to turning away from each other? Here is a short list:


  • You’ve stopped enjoying discussing things with each other

  • Your partner is not interested in what you have to say

  • Your time together seems to drag on

  • You don't like hanging out or having fun together

Most of us seem to just live with this until the arguments start escalating and we notice that we've become critical and defensive. Or worse still, we feel quite a lot of contempt for our partner. That's never a good sign because contempt is one of the indicators that relationship is likely to fail completely.

How can relationship coaching help? Like most of us, you might think that it's about improving your communication, getting better at solving conflicts and sorting out what now appears to be a lack of anything in common.

Well that's true enough with one qualification. Research has shown that what attracted us to the other person in the first place can become the very thing that seems to be the deal-breaker . . . “I used to love his sense of craziness - not so much now”. And so, for example, now instead of being interested in your partner's opinion, before you know it you're fighting with each other (again!).

So back to that question. How can relationship coaching help?

Initially, if you're at the point of going your separate ways, then rebuilding your friendship can be extremely important. After all, that's where it all began. And further down the coaching road, it will mean being clear about the relationship you INTEND to have. Intend-to-have is a powerful (empowering) idea - a little different from the relationship you want-to have, or feel you need-to have, or should-have.


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